i'm a victim of my thoughts and my actions, i feel like i can't commit myself fully to something or some activity, it always requires this extra push which ik it does for every person but yeah. it's weird how we use this analogy of 'everyone suffers from this' to invalidate our own pain or suffering and feel like we have to minimise it, which makes no sense logically.
but anyways not digressing too much away from the topic, i was feeling a bit productive like wanting to give time to writing and thinking some thoughts i'm still unsure of; however, amidst all this, i made a mistake of putting some expectation on a person i just started talking like 1-2 days ago because of the nature of our conversations. and i don't know why it is so hard for me to regulate myself then, i wasn't anxious or anything but i completely forget what all i wanted to do by myself because of this really minor inconvenience.
it's like i'm unconsciously again depending on the other for my well being and since they weren't there, i wasted my time away by scrolling and doing pointless things on my phone which made me feel like shit anyways. but writing is good, as i was writing this, i also remembered one thing i had to think and discuss (with chatgpt, of course).
anyways this was really short, but i also feel a bit sleepy so i guess will stop.
goodnight.